NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS BY JADE
I keep hearing Mammy and Daddy talking about ‘plans for 2018’ and I don’t know who this ‘2018’ is but he should realise that I make the plans in this house – not Mammy and Daddy!! So, I have been thinking about this a lot, and when Mr 2018 arrives things are going to change around here…
1. Singing in the Dark
In the mornings when I wake up and it’s still dark outside, I usually have a bit of a cry, but mammy and daddy don’t really like that, and crying doesn’t seem to get me very far but when I sing songs out loud and wiggle around I get smiles, kisses, hugs and sometimes it even puts daddy back to sleep while Mammy reads me stories and tells me it’s still bedtime – she’s so funny!
2. Fashion Tips for Mammy and Daddy
Those two carry me around all day – I don’t want them wearing any old thing!! I also think I could be quite the fashion designer so when I’m finished with my noodles I like to drape them strategically on Mammy’s new skirt and Daddy’s lovely soft jacket. I don’t know what they are complaining about, I think they look fabulous! [But on the downside, after that particular fashion show noodles disappeared from dinner time!]
3. No More Nappies!
This nappy wearing thing is very undignified. I mean, yes it stops me making a mess on the floor, but IT.IS.NASTY!!! I mean, you know I’m sitting in it guys!! *eye roll* No amount of nappy cream is going to change that fact. I need them to up their game on the potty training… maybe if I start hiding my poop in THEIR underwear drawer they’ll understand my urgency?!
4. Screen Time
Mammy and Daddy spend a lot of time on their phones (I mean, A LOT!) And I’ve been thinking, if I can’t stand too close to the TV because it will hurt my eyes, how much damage are they doing to their eyes?? I need to protect them! So, from now on, it is mission ‘no phone’ and I promise to do my part by putting food into the speaker, dropping them down the toilet and, most importantly, drooling all over the screen. They can thank me later!!
5. Full Biscuits for Everyone
I am a VIP guys, you should know this, so why is every biscuit I get broken up into bite-sized pieces? I mean, in what world do we offer broken biscuits to people? When Mammy and Daddy’s friends call over they don’t break their biscuits. They get full ones… lovely round ones, some even have chocolate and I swear one time I saw biscuits with pink, fluffy marshmallow!!! I never get them and surely I’m more important than ‘guests’?!
6. Driving Lessons
I’m not a big fan of being in the car, the car seat is so restrictive, and I can’t see ANYTHING with the chair in the way, so I need to find away to get up to the front seat beside Daddy! I mean, how hard could it be? I always hear Daddy saying, “that idiot is in the wrong lane” and “what a fool, you can’t turn there” – if they let idiots and fools drive then I should have no problems AND I’ll be able to see everything out the window!!
7. Investigate Where Daddy Goes Everyday
Every morning Daddy sneaks out the door, I don’t know where he goes or what he does, but he’s gone for a very long time!! When he gets home he’s always super happy to see me, so I think it would be better for everyone if I just went along too. Then I could find out what happens at “that damn place”, at least I think that’s what he calls it, but I’m sure I heard Mammy say it was “a day spa" compared to all the chores she has! But one way or another I must find out about this place!
8. Fix Those White Gates Blocking the Stairs
The stairs are great fun… I could go up and down them ALL day long but there’s 2 white gates stopping me! And I don’t even think they work properly because I definitely can’t get them open and even Daddy seems to have trouble with it because when he wants to go upstairs he usually fiddles with it for a long time and then asks Mammy for help! The one at the bottom is my biggest pain, I’m a great climber but they never let me soar! The one at the top is fun too… whenever I run for that, Mammy and Daddy race me there. So much fun!
I think that’s pretty much everything on my list so when Mr 2018 gets here I am going to give it to him immediately. He must be a busy guy because I heard Granny & Grandad talking about him too, they are hoping he brings a Lotto win, I just hope he has sweets whenever he does turn up!!